I've started a project with some friends to get some songs produced, covered and recorded. I have a friend that is going to allow us to use his studio once we have some solid material set up. We're going to try and play every week, and it's going pretty well so far- we have one song almost finished after our first session.
Other than my bandmates, I've almost completely stopped hanging around people my age. I hang out at my local college with a circle of mainly 10 people(??), I went to open mic there for the first time a few months ago and met some awesome people. Ever since, except for a month or so after the first open mic, I've been hanging out with them. There were/are(it's a complicated thing) some mutual feelings between an amazing girl I met and I, but 17 doesn't legally mix with 23- so that will have to wait a few months.
To add to the mix of emotional turmoil that I've been going through recently, I've started talking to a girl I met a few years ago again. We had really passionate feelings for each other then, and talked for hours about them over the phone last week. Turns out they might not have gone away(that's why that ^^ was complicated). This is a problem because we talked about how we felt all night, and I was really starting to feel loved- but she is with someone else and I have to keep my distance in respect for what they have. Also there's a difference of a few states. So I'll have to forget about all that.
It's old news by now, but my (now ex)girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me I don't even know how long ago. I honestly didn't mark the date or anything. I'd like to first admit that I presented reasons for her to do that, and I don't deny that. I didn't share my emotions often, she felt as if I was invalidating her feelings when she wanted to talk about them, and there wasn't a whole lot we had in common anymore. It's not really my place to say since I'm the one who got dumped, but I think I should mention some areas where I felt there could have been improvement. I felt as if she wanted me to care for her emotions with no regard to how I felt, I felt like there was a lot to her that she wouldn't tell me(maybe that's why she got with someone the day after we broke up, idk. I can't say), I wanted to feel like I was enough for her and I never did. I don't have bitter feelings towards her because I know I fucked up, and because I hope she is legitimately happy with the person she is with. I want her to be happy, and it doesn't bother me anymore that I'm not part of that equation. I don't know how she feels about me now, and that's stopped bothering me, too. I just hope it's not hatred by now, that's all.
Despite all of this turmoil churning in my head, I've been overjoyed recently. I have friends that I see every weekend and we make plans on like 3 out of 7 days of the week, which is nice. I've started to be much more outgoing- I'll do dance moves in public, I've been more straightforward about what I think, I've done fairly well in the flirting scene(haven't been shot down, which is a good feeling), I stopped playing video games almost entirely(Rocksmith teaches me some cool songs), and I've lost about 8 pounds since I started running. Looking beyond the bad, I feel ecstatic.