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About Deviant Quentin ShepardMale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
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What I had with her is replaceable, and it's awful I've only just seen this now. I can watch movies and cuddle with other people, there are other people to have sex with, and I'm sure I won't have to look long for someone who makes me feel like less than human. Maybe it wasn't worth the miniscule moments of happiness that I felt, but I've learned from you.

I know that I need to be with someone that shares my interests, instead of pretending like we have a thing in common. I know I need someone that takes my emotions into account when they're feeling upset. I need someone that knows that they are asking too much of me, and that I'm not able to cater to everything they need. I know I need someone that gives emotional support instead of just taking. I know that I deserve better than someone that made me feel like I didn't matter to them, or that what I had to say was invalid. I need someone that makes me feel like I can be me. And she deserves someone that understands her better than I do because everyone should be understood by the one they love.

I think I have someone else that can give all of that to me, and I'm going to hold on to her and give it right back for as long as I can, and that makes me feel content. I don't think I've ever felt content in a relationship, and I hope that's a good thing.
I've stopped crying over you like I used to, now I just remember my mistakes and make an effort to change into a person that won't make that mistake with anyone else. I no longer wonder if you'll come back because it gets me nowhere. I used to be so confrontational and insensitive when I talked about a lot of topics, now I take others into consideration and have stopped letting my beliefs define me as a person, which has subsequently changed my values.  I used to play video games for an escape from everyone, even you, in my life because I was stressed, now I go out and hang out with friends or run, and that makes me happy. I feel much better now about all of this than I used to, and I'm glad that I'm getting past this. I only have one contention to my happiness:

I walk around every day painfully aware of all of the emotional turmoil that I caused you, and you get to take every stride in blissful ignorance of how you made me feel. I don't know how long you faked your feelings for me in the end, and that thought is harrowing.
I hope that phone call still plays in your head
My happiness is not a crime, so don't shoot.
I feel I need to get this out.

The day after she left me, I found out over dinner that she was with someone else.
I felt confused because I couldn't process how or when  or why this happened.
I felt relieved because maybe they would make her happy like I couldn't.
I felt angry with myself because maybe I could have noticed.
I felt stupid because I had stopped wondering if something was going on.
More than anything, I felt sick to my stomach. I immediately felt nauseous and uneasy.

I feel like a criminal for trying to piece my happiness back together
I hesitate when I have to call a girl two chairs from me by name
I misspelled a word on my phone yesterday and nearly broke down
I have to force myself to forget every nickname and joke
I am slowly trying to learn how to feel something for someone else
Images of her pop into my head and I wake up 30 minutes later in a different room feeling dizzy
There are some movies I won't ever watch again
Some words that won't escape my lips again
And songs I won't listen to

It's not the thought of what happened that hurts. It's how ambitious my ideas of what would happen were. It was my plan for new years. It was my plan for christmas. It was everything I thought would happen that didn't that hurts me. it's how crystal clear it is that I didn't deserve her in the first place, but some horns got in the way and here i am.
My heart is on these pages, burn them for warmth
My Saturday mornings seem to be a lot worse now.
One stupid click and my day is gone. You left me and went to be happy and I'm glad you are, but it almost seems criminal of me to try to find happiness.


forbaboo's Profile Picture
Quentin Shepard
United States
I'm a high school senior, currently a CSR at a nearby Domino's, I have a license to be a nurse's assistant(lots of places here won't hire minors for that position), and I am currently doing my best to run my school's newspaper. I write here as an outlet of sorts for things I may not be able to say to or around my friends and family, or for things that I feel need to be written down so I don't forget or discredit what happened. I'm really into science and I don't know anything about writing bios.

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PrettyJu Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you for the fav! :)
forbaboo Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2014
Sure thing, loved it!
PrettyJu Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you for the Added to my devWatch! 
forbaboo Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2014
No problem :)
herbodyismycoffin Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012   Writer
forbaboo Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012
herbodyismycoffin Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012   Writer
forbaboo Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012
Ahsly pls
oc-eanwide Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012

hey so thanks for the watch <33
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